I'm the girl on the left. It's high time you guys see a BIT of my face and the best friend I've mentioned in my introduction. The one beside me is Eugene. He's the best guy best friend ever! I love you, bro. I'll never forget that day.

To all you readers out there, as little or as many of you, I've decided to stop writing about the Java, Indonesia trip. I went there for four days and I wrote the first day.

The main reason is because I feel weak. I know, what a lame excuse. I don't feel physically weak. I'm still young, strong, healthy and fifteen. I'm just mentally weak. I'm not strong enough to face what have happened in those three days.

You may be thinking something bad has happened, but it's actually the opposite. Something great happened... something in the name of love. Nay, that sounds wrong for someone at my age. I originally (of course) wanted to write everything down. However, this... experience has let me down.

I'm not talking about the whole trip, of course. I'm just talking about one particular thing. Long story made short: This guy and I (I am NEVER going to mention his name) had chemistry, but it died down later on. It's okay, it happens. And shit happens too.

I can't blame chemistry for letting me down. The problem is, he never meant it. Whatever he said (like giving me roses on Valentine's, which is tomorrow), his actions... they were just for the fun of it. A game. Everything was just a game to him.

I have to blame myself for taking it a little too seriously. I try to think casually, but no one has ever made me feel that way after you know, the guy before. I mentioned him in my first post. If you're smart enough, you'll know the answer. I guess I was just too naive. It's also the fact that I love the idea of being in love, which makes me a hopeless romantic. Sometimes. I can't blame myself for being convinced that somebody likes me though.

I blame myself for not listening to my friends, for being too stupid, for listening to my heart. I expected the worst. I actually did expect this. I thought I could handle it but it came out worse than expected.

He didn't mean it. He's got the guts to tell me that he already has another Valentine. He apologized to me with a SMILE. Seriously, who apologizes with a smile? That is fucking insincere. I know you're just being nice but I'd rather have you brush it off my face. Tell me off. You've never given a fuck anyway.

Even after a long day, I'm still mad. I know I can just NOT bring up the icky (it was sweet to me before this shit) parts but I can't help it. I just can't blog about this trip anymore. I'm not feeling good. I have a more-than-a-thousand-words report on this trip and I haven't written a single word.

I'll just leave it to the next trip, which will probably be around May. And this time, it'll be the tour I was talking about in my introduction to your right. Right now, they are thinking of going to China to climb the famous Yellow Mountain. Heard of it? It's called Huangshan. I'm not entirely sure about this yet, but in time, I'll let you know. For now, maybe I'll post random things whenever I'm in the mood. Or maybe not. You'll see. Just be patient.

Java, Indonesia: Day #1

I woke up feeling heavy and tired. Of course I was tired. Why wouldn't I be? I just woke up at 3:30 AM. And I've been waking up from time to time. First at 12 AM, then at 2:30 AM. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I only knew that it had nothing to do with drinking too much water and wanting to pee. Sleep had become a bit of a trouble.

I cleaned myself, brushed my hair, hoping I'd look good and approachable. Then it was time to go. A tint of nervousness painted my heart. What will I do when I see my friends there? I wasn't in the mood to socialize. I was not the least bit excited. I worried like a grandmother. I was scared of not remembering things. I triple-checked whether my passport was in my bag. I wasn't even tired, which sounds even weirder.

When I reached the airport, my nervousness of can't finding my History teacher, Mr. Pryde, dissipated. I saw Nicholas walking into the airport with his mum. We came at the same time. Perhaps he was a minute faster than me. As we walked in, Mr. Pryde was nowhere to be found. Instead we found Amar standing there with his mum. Mr. Pryde hasn't reached yet. The others weren't here yet. I stood there with both of them, waiting for the others, waiting for my buddy and roomie, Hui Yi. We adopted the 'Buddy' system throughout the trip. Everyone had a buddy.

Soon, students started arriving. One by one. Nobody was late. Some of them were my friends; some of them... well, I didn't know who they were. Hui Yi started socializing the moment she walked into the airport. She was bright, full of energy. Typical her. All I could do was listen to her blabber about this and that. I asked her a few questions along the way. Like, who's this, who's that. Typical of her too, she knew them. First of all, most of them are in her year. Secondly, she knows people. Being a gossip girl, she definitely knows them.

Being her, it's all about the hot guys she sees. While socializing, she never failed to point out a hot guy. I was kinda bored by it but I would've done the same if I was with my close friends. Except that... her definition of hot and my definition of hot aren't the same. She seems to like mature-looking guys, in my opinion. For me, it's just whoever I see that I think is hot. Like that guy I asked about, the guy named Brandon - he was kinda hot. Yes, Brandon, I thought you were hot. There was this other guy I saw while boarding the airplane too. He's White, and he was hot. His looks reminded of Taylor Lautner in a way and Taylor Lautner is REALLY hot.

Enough about hot guys. I'm here to talk about the trip. But before talking about the trip, there's this other thing - what Hui Yi said. Apparently, she and this girl were enemies. This girl whom I eventually got to know as Ingrid. Ingrid didn't like Hui Yi, so Hui Yi didn't like her too. Seeing her own enemy fly on board with her was like getting her life ruined. And having your life ruined on a school trip didn't seem like a good idea.

Anyway, back to what this whole thing is about. We reached Jogja airport at 8:30 AM, after our one-and-a-half hour flight. We boarded Air Asia, which meant cheaper airfare and self-serve. Having the pee problem that happened months ago (I'm never gonna repeat that painful experience. It's just way too painful to talk about, way too painful to re-experience it) gave me an unnamed and unofficial phobia. I'm scared that I couldn't pee while flying. It happened once and it made me appreciate my pee. I suggest you appreciate it too. To the girls out there, love and PROTECT your vagina! Like seriously. No joke. To the boys out there, just don't get your dicks hit.

We walked out of the airport just to find a small KFC squeezing in between two shops. There were only two tables and it was just SMALL. We found our tour guide, Pom or something like that. I feel guilty that I can't remember his name. But I guess I was too engrossed with music and my personal life that I didn't think about others. This is just how selfish I am.

Once we were all there, we hopped onto a bus. That was how our journey started. Firstly, we went to visit Kraton, which means Sultan's palace. There were lots of antiques kept throughout the years. Antiques from overseas such as Netherlands, Belgium, China, England and so on. Besides that, it also contained the Sultan's family tree and his history. Honestly? I know nothing. I wasn't concentrating. I chose not to. What do I know? Some of the portraits I've seen that are descended from the royal blood are still alive. Princesses up till now still have arranged marriages. How nice. I know it must be done but if I were a princess, I would die not getting to choose who I want to marry. I would've screamed for freedom. What else do I know? There was this Japanese hut decorated with dragons. I'm not good at describing but it's something like that. In conclusion, Kraton is somewhat a museum, a museum that has other different cultures in it too, besides its own.

Our next stop was the Water Castle called Taman Sari. It was built in 1765. It was the Sultan's pleasure park with bathing pools. He and the royalties would bathe there. When I first saw the bathing pools, I was mesmerized. I loved the color. It was light blue. The pools were surrounded by plants and walls too (privacy is very important). Butterflies and dragon flies could be seen. Although nobody swims there now, it still looked pretty fresh.

Traditionally, Sultans could have more than one wife. He would throw his handkerchief towards one of his wives, passing the bathing pool. Or perhaps into the water where she showered. This, I had no idea, but it really was one of the traditions. The architecture of the Water Castle was mixed. One of the influences was Portuguese.

While we surveyed the Sultan's private bathing pool, I noticed a large cage sitting at a corner. Out of curiosity, I asked Pom (I'm just going to call him that. Seriously). Back then, Sultans kept a cage for food offering. He would also give other offerings such as flowers. And the purpose of it was to respect the spirits, the ancestors. Another cool thing was, a plant called Cheruk Kinkit was planted for manicure/pedicure. I didn't know there was a PLANT for manicure/pedicure. Anyway, there probably wasn't anything like nail polish back then so they used this to clean their nails. Hey, I would love to try one.


After declining to visit the ladies' bathing pool, we went straight into the bus. The traffic here wasn't as bad as KL, mainly because it isn't a city. Nevertheless, there were many local people and tons of tourists including us. One fact about the vehicles in Indonesia: cars and buses (vehicles that have horns, basically) tend to horn when another vehicle is blocking their way. Even just for a little bit. In Malaysia, it is considered as sound pollution and people try not to do that too often.


The streets were filled with people, some seemingly poor. Shops and houses were crammed together. Everything seemed pretty old and used. Some places looked dirty. When we crossed by farms, which are actually A LOT, greenery was found. That was the only view I liked when I looked out of the bus window. At least, just around the area.


Our next destination was Mount Merapi. Mt. Merapi is a 2968m active volcano, located 28km north of Jogja city. It is the most active volcano in Indonesia and has erupted regularly since 1548. Its name comes from combining the words 'Meru' (mountain, referring to mythical mountain of Gods in Hinduism) and 'Api', which means fire.

When we reached there after a two-hour drive, I was already feeling very insecure about my pee. I didn't exactly pee on the plane because I gave up halfway. Like I said, I currently have the phobia thing thanks to a past experience. That's the bad part of it. The good part is, I've learned to be more hygienic. I allowed my thoughts and insecurity to slide. Instead, I focused on what was in front of me.


Unlike what I've seen, these photos were probably taken before the eruption, and definitely behind the fog. Mt. Merapi was covered by a thick fog when I was there. I could see tons of hills that stuck out randomly, out of nowhere. Burned and damaged trees were found. Ashes and dirt covered the entire road. Some homes were tattered and covered by ashes. There weren't many homes though. They've probably been burned down by the last eruption, which is also the biggest eruption of the century (which is very serious. You can tell), dated on October 2010. I was surprised how recent it was. I tried to think back what I was doing at that time. I was form one, thirteen, and the annual musical and inter-class games and competition were hanging around. Hard to believe that while I was enjoying, many people were suffering. Sufferings could be seen as we moved on to Volcano Center.


I know I shouldn't be skipping into the film screening at Volcano Center, but I feel the need to say it now. Just so you know, the film screening was after WE climbed Mt. Merapi, right after our trip to Gunung Merapi Museum.

A picture is worth a thousand words so describing it is actually pretty useless. You already got the idea of what happens whenever a volcano erupts. Very devastating, indeed. Meanwhile, I enjoyed life. I should really start doing some volunteer work, like going to an orphanage to teach the kids. I used to visit this orphanage when my brother was here. Too bad my brother's in the US. Nobody could fetch me there, and I really didn't want to bother my already-stressed-out-and-extremely-high-tempered mother nor my sister (hey, she needs to go out with her boyfriend/friends too) nor my working-24/7 dad.


Let's just rewind for a second. Before we went film screening and visiting Gunung Merapi Museum, we climbed Mt. Merapi. It wasn't exactly climbing. It was more of a hiking kind of thing. As we were hiking, Hui Yi would complain every five minutes about how tiring it was, then she would moan dramatically such as 'I'm going to die' and etc. I'm pretty dramatic myself too, but Hui Yi is THE Drama Queen. She CAN be.


Although I was feeling kinda exhausted, I enjoyed the hike. It's good to hike. It can train your body and it's also a form of exercise. When it comes to exercising, I'm ON for it! It's really important for me to stay healthy and keep fit, even though I still look normal to others, like I don't work out. It's true. I don't. But I would exercise. Not these days though. I'm pretty much stuck at where I am.


Lynnie, Hui Yi, Derek and I were the first ones to reach the top. It wasn't exactly the top but it was where we were supposed to be. Where the flag was. I must say, I was and still am very impressed with Lynnie's motivation and spirit. Seriously. She doesn't complain. Not a single bit. Insects, heights, tiring stuff we've faced... she takes it very coolly. The guys must be very impressed with her. She's the kind of girl who would take risks and overcome her worst fears in a way not many of us would. She's the definition of cool and very chilled. Very smart too. C'mon, she's a prefect!


After twenty minutes of using the restrooms (I could pee, like yeah!), examining volcanic rocks that were scattered around everywhere, and buying drinks to quench our thirst, we went down to the valley, to where our bus was. I couldn't help noticing how much fun Hui Yi and Idris were having, even before this hike. They just got to know each other but they were already like best friends. Again, I couldn't help thinking that there might be some chemistry there.


Meanwhile, Amar was being his usual self. Hilarious. Always joking around, always being a fool - being him. At some point, he started leaving us and went by himself. He half-rapped to the song 'Dead and Gone' and it felt so freaking real, like this place was the EXACT place to sing this song. But then again, we ruined the dull atmosphere the volcano possessed. We laughed hysterically when Amar sang that. He didn't walk as per normal. He was walking from left to right and singing to the words that fit his actions. What was really funny to me was the fact that he was cute, extremely chubby, and was singing in a very dull manner. The atmosphere surrounding the volcano had been mentally broken down.


To kill the boredom I was feeling, I held a huge rock this guy who I eventually got to know as Jonathan, was holding. At least I had something to do. At least I could gain some muscles along the way. Which I did, in my opinion. Hui Yi and I took turns to hold the rock. Whenever one of us held the rock, the local people would stare at us. We got some reaction there. Just as when some of us looked out of our bus window, they would stare at us. One of the guys actually stared at both Hui Yi and I, giving us the big wide grin that I'm all too familiar of. I deciphered as a sign of flirting and a speck of lust. Even when the bus has already passed him, he would continue to stare and grin as I 'spied' on him. Which obviously failed. Otherwise, he wouldn't have looked back.


A story similar to this has happened to me before. Just recently, really. Two months ago, before Christmas. I was in Tropicana City Mall, hanging out with the group I've been hanging out with - Yein Nee, Louis and Tze Yuen. Well, I was walking down the escalator while the boys (Louis and Tze Yuen) talked about guy stuff. Until I saw two Indian men staring at me. At first I was just like, maybe they were checking me out. But the checking-out got a bit too far when he gave me the same big, wide grin that Indonesian man did and stared at me continuously even as he reached the top. I was screaming inside when I looked back and saw his piercing eyes look back, his face full of lust. It's stupid how an expression can tell so much. It's ridiculous why I even cared.


I already knew it was going to be boring for me when I walked into Gunung Merapi Museum. I am not going to provide any information as it bores me to hell. I've honestly seen way more information in the film itself than the actual Volcanology information. Obviously you'll get more information from the museum. But when it comes to me, it's just boredom, boredom AND boredom. I was terribly lazy to do my Volcanology assessment that Mr. Pryde had given us. Hui Yi was lazy to do it too. What she did the most was socializing. The incoming social butterfly - that's her.


Despite my lack of focus and concentration, there's one thing you need to know. EVERYTHING that was damaged during the eruption was caused by a fast-current superheated gas known as pyroclastic flow. The museum's tour guide showed us a seriously damaged motorcycle caused by pyroclastic flow. Trust me, it wasn't the least bit pretty. And you could tell by the pictures that I've posted. The pictures up there. If you haven't seen it, scroll up and look again.


After visiting all of the above destinations, we could finally settle down and eat DINNER. For some reason, I got hungry very easily, and I had to constantly eat something just to get rid of my hunger. It happens. I get hungry easily whenever I'm overseas, but it also depends on which country. I guess my stomach didn't feel satisfied in Indonesia. That was when all my eating came.


I am lazy to talk about the food there as we didn't really eat anything specifically famous. It was the normal, expected buffet-served food. For the next few days, we mostly ate the same too. Just as I sat beside Hui Yi, she started talking. Occasionally, we butted in with replies and shared a bit of our own experience. But then again, she was the star. We listened to her talk about what she did with her cousins. And then it changed to her cousins' horrific experiences. When I say horrific, I mean GHOSTS. I got a little frightened by that. I'm not a 100% ghost-believer but I do know that, if you don't believe it, or you disrespect a ghost, troubles will come. That's the only thing I believe.


Later, we got our room keys and a lecture from Ms. Chuah, stating that we should be punctual and a few disciplinary matters. We listened cautiously, while I was trying to fight off a nearby moth. If you know me, you know that I'm scared of moths. You know that I have a phobia for it, and you know how weak I become whenever I'm near those small creatures. Small things really do frighten us sometimes. What sucks is that, I'm scared of butterflies too, since young. You know what? I take that back. I'm scared of ALL insects. I'm scared of most things too. Oh, how cowardly I am.


It got worse when Hui Yi and I went into our room. She started to panic. Seeing her panic about GHOSTS, I panicked too. I really didn't want to meet an actual ghost. Not in a hotel room in the middle of a school trip. I know I've said that I'm not an actual believer of ghosts but seeing Hui Yi scared made me frightened too. It was like a chain reaction. It sucks that I get influenced easily but I quickly calmed myself down anyhow.


Her solution was to switch on ALL the lights (which I was pretty mad about) as we slept, and open the door while we showered. I couldn't disagree more, but I didn't want her to stay frightened. We actually did this continuously throughout the entire trip. Now, you may be wondering how I predicted my future. The truth is, right now, right at this moment, I am already back in Indonesia. Every trip that I go to, will probably be the same. I wouldn't write on the day itself. Just so you know, there are more to come, especially on the second and third day.


Being regular teenagers, we don't sleep immediately unless we're super tired. Most of us LOVE the night. I prefer having the sun shine on me but EVERYTHING happens at night. And I mean literally everything. Think about it. Clubs, sex, fireworks, bright city lights, murders... everything. Just like owls, we're nocturnal. I'm gonna marry the night, I'm not cry anymore. I'm gonna marry the night, leave nothing on this street to explore. We're going at it tonight, tonight, there's a party on the rooftop top of the world. Tonight, tonight, and we're dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign.


We spent our night staying in our room since we weren't allowed to enter our other friends' room. Hui Yi took only five minutes to shower and I was stunned. Five minutes, seriously? I take more than half-an-hour to shower sometimes. I can shower for less than fifteen minutes. However, I have pimples on my back which requires 'scrubbing'. I spend my time scrubbing myself. It feels good though, after a 'scrubbed' shower.


Most of the time, Hui Yi watched the most recent James Bond movie, 'Quantum of Solace', if I am not mistaken. She would exclaim how hot Daniel Craig is and judge some of the characters in the movie. I only watched the last part of it, when the girlfriend died. Hui Yi explained to me that the girlfriend caused all these trouble yet James Bond was still willing to save her as she slowly drowned, out of spite. I have no idea what the story was like, and I don't bother checking it out. I'm not into it.


An hour or two has passed. We decided to go to sleep. I was tired, but Hui Yi was still energetic, and kinda hyper. She fished my phone from the nightstand, then played with it. I didn't bother her checking my messages. I had nothing personal. Nothing at all. A few minutes later, she decided to check out my contacts. She read those that she thought intriguing, one by one. She would ask who they are, or she'd guess what they are to me. She would laugh at the funny ones, such as my mum and dad. I don't put 'Mum' or 'Dad'. I put their real names. I used the excuse of me getting raped to put their names. But they could still call my aunt and friends right? I have no idea why I put it in the first place. I guess I just felt like it, felt like calling their actual names.


Hui Yi skipped some contacts, searching for interesting ones. Her hands were fast, her eyes stuck to my phone like glue. "Joshua," she said. I took a breath, then introduced what he was to me. It got me thinking. Three years. It has been three years already. I've already moved on, a long time ago. But the memories were still there, although fading quickly away. We were and still are on good terms, and sorta-good friends now. What happened before is just a blur, yet also what's important in my lifeline. He'll always be the first. I hope I'll not let him read this. I do not want him to get goosebumps.


My thoughts started calming. In a matter of seconds, I headed into a dreamless sleep.

© All images are taken from Google. I do not claim them as my own.